The Mat Maniac's blog

Years in review: 2010 and 2011

When I was sitting and wanting to get ready to write out the Year in Review for 2011…I noticed that I did Forget 2010…so…let me first show the sneak peak I gave back in 2010…

(To read my others that are not on Facebook if you are reading this there, check out my blog at http://thematmaniac.typepad.com/blog/ . Here you could see pictures with the post.. )

*****

Metropolis and wrestling

New Friends: Alexx, Kirsten, Leah

More backlash from the inlaws..and the fact they even admit they could care less if I lived

Almost seems like that from the wife too

More celebs

Friends from the past back in the picture too (Tricia!!)

and much much more..:)

*****

So, let me go on into 2010 Year in Review.  It was one of my worst years (and kept getting that way).

Let us go towards Shelby first.  As I said, I had to live at the store til the beginning of 2010 so I wouldn’t have to give her up if I could avoid it.  Early January I did get a reply from a Craigslist ad for help with someone to help out with Shelby.  A lady from Open Door Animal Sanctuary contacted me about offering to watch after Shelby there for a little while. This was more helpful than anything, and the plan was to be able to get Shelby back with me in my own place.  That unfortunately did not happen.  I had to make a decision and after talking with the shelter, I had to give up Shelby . This was the most difficult decision I ever had to do, and I will NEVER do it ever again.  Shelby was adopted to a nice older couple that got animals from the shelter all the time.  I still highly recommend Open Door (and when I am able to get a dog again, I will definitely go there), and it was the best option for Shelby. I miss her tons still, and regret at times for what I had to do, but it was for the best. 

The Silver lining on the day that I went out to go see Shelby for the last time, I was at the store upset about it.  I get a call from someone about the TNA PPV in town that day (Lockdown), and had one of the best offers I could not refuse.  The offer: help out and work with TNA backstage.  So, went over met with the person, and off we were driving to the Family Arena.  Walking right in back stage was sureal to say the least..with the first two people we see being Vince Russo and Ric Flair talking.  Helped out a little and I was free after that. With VIP (all access) pass on, I went and watched everything I could be set up, go everywhere I could (hell, I was getting my pass in the same room as the Knockouts were getting their hair done)… ever talked with a lot of different people I had before (Tara, Earl Hebner, Hardy, Snow, Anderson, etc).  This was great, but not the main thing why I jumped at it.  On this show they were honoring on the show (but not ON AIR …it happened off air)…3 legends.  Baron Von Rashke, Dory Funk Jr, and the MAIN LEGEND in my eyes…my idol…my role model… BOBBY THE BRAIN HEENAN.  We had to sit and occupy their seats the first part of the show til they came out to watch a match.  They were front row too..(you can see me there during the RVD match.  After that, I walked around back, sat and watched the PPV at times with everyone else (and talking to a few of the right people too)…and enjoyed the experience.  Near the end of the night before we left, Earl Hebner introduced me to my idol.  I tool a few moments to talk and shake his hand, and it meant the world to me.  Out of respect and proper backstage etiquette I did not get a photo, but it was an experience I will enjoy forever.  Afterwards, went back to the hotel and sat and talked with some old friends, and the TNA stars (even in the private after party)…was a memory of a lifetime…and made some good friends too.

 

Early on in the year, me and Ruby started a project on BlogtalkRadio.Com – our own Wrestling Radio show.  It lasted for awhile (all into mid 2011)… every Monday night… even spawned other shows on the network (Free For All, RPW Rewind, and Me and Mary Moons shows The Crazy Moon Weekly Wildside)…. it has since taken a sabbatical for right now.  This was a fun experience to say the least, and still giving me the motivation for maybe returning the Asylum Radio Show.

Got a chance to work with a promotion in Southern IL, Renegade Pro Wrestling.  This was a fun group to work with at the time.  They teach a lot about respect, the fans, and everything in between.  I was given the chance to show them what could be done with me as a manager (though it may not have been the Mat Maniac there).  I had a great program while I was there, that had a good pop, great build up, and ended with a decent match and pop.  It was one of the best programs I had been a part of, and especially the compliments I got from people that did not know me before hand. It felt great.  It gave me the chance to prove myself, and enjoyed every minute of it.  It was in Metropolis as well, so a chance to do the site seeing was fun too.  Here’s hoping a few more good programs before I leave the business.

My Bday this year, I had another small party.  This was thrown by my bestie at the time Tessa, and her family.  A cake and pizza mainly.   This was something good as it was a 2nd time someone cared enough to do something for my BDay.  It meant a lot when others at the time were not doing anything for it.

It was only fair since I through my bestie her birthday party a few months before as well. 2nd year in a row too.  I went all out for it. Cake, party, friends, music, and more. I hope she still remembers and appreciates it..

I went through a lot of depression during this time mainly because of my life not wanting it to be how I felt it should. I saw a friend go with another friend, at a time I was making life decisions, and it was hard to see that.

Also other supposed friends show their true colors and how much of a friend the they were not trying to be toward others.  THAT is a story or shoot for another time.

One bad thing that happened was this August the store closed down. It was originally supposed to be bought out by some one (more on them in the next section), but that ended up falling through because of many reasons (again, next section).  This store I was at for 5 or so years.  I was there from the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Was there through 5 moves and a branchout.  A buy out and a change in merchandise.  Through thick and thin, this was one place I enjoyed working at all the time (the last 2 years about with the store I worked it EVERY DAY), and always had the energy to move it when needed.  Stood the test of time with competition, and it had great theories.  I guarantee this, it will return one way, in one form or another down the line… I met a lot of good friends through it, and other important people in my life… and Daryl too…

Now as for the people who was to buy the store… I will name them A and M.  “A” was the older person of the two…and “M” was her daughter.  They ended up being the biggest nutcases anyone would know…When I first met them, they did spend a lot of money, but also tried to con free stuff out of the store, or even give sob stories to get free stuff (whether true or not is not the case). I have witness daydreams to the point of obsession (or even stalking)…them thinking they can get anything in the world.   I have witness passing out in bathrooms after taking way too many pills including morphine (in a non prescription bottle)..and that being the norm to her daughter. I have seen them beg or con free stuff like sodas out of people (at times they got it just to get rid of them)…and even overspending.  They do get money once a year or so, but then it does not last long…a month if that.  They would go and spend 800$ for someone to drive them around to a few places (when they would have cheaper), spend more than value on items, or over shop just to show off (same person paid 800 to drive them around also got perfume, a 400$ purse, etc)… and they would give gifts to people (but then ask for it back months later when they lost all the money they spent..saying it wasn’t a gift but a loan)…”A” apparently does have a mind for business at times..but the bullshit goes out and beyond more.  They blame others for their problems …and “M” seems to have more problems because of how “A” tries to raise her…and doesn’t understand the world at all..  “A” tries to do so many cons (“falls at stores” and “whiplash traffic problems” to make a quick buck…and uses excuses to not work as well..)…both could use PROFESSIONAL help… and hope they get it…officially done with them in every aspect…less stress over it… especially since I got CRITIZIED for helping out my boss I worked with for a few years…and not LYING about the inventory of the store or what she spends or buys…but yet…if I did if she was the boss..I bet I would get shitcanned or what not..I can and will probably vent and write more about them another time…enough weird here for a LONGER BLOG on just them. and Yes…they give crazy a bad name…

One thing with the store closing that I took it upon myself to do…and have been wanting to for years.  I went back to school.   I decided to get an associates degree for Web Design.  I went back to the University of Phoenix.  This was something I was proud of, and still am.  I had some rough spots, but as of this writing, I have a few months away from graduating.  WooHoo.  Considering going back for a Bachelors too.

I thought about opening up about a lot of stuff, but I decided it is better to leave it go instead.

One change was where I was living at was being forclosed on…so I had to go somewhere….but I couldn’t go with the wife and her family (go figure)…so I ended up going and staying with my niece and nephew.  It felt good being around family, and it helped to bring my level of depression up a bit.  Only a few months (til January)…but it helped me give out and on my feet a little. Thanks again Savannaha and Dave… and my great nephews Austin and Adrian…

This year I got to spend the holidays not just with Savannaha and family, but with my sister who I didn’t have too much contact for 20 or so years.  This was great to have more family in my life, including my nieces Krystle and Kim, and my great nieces Lizzy and Amanda…

Made some new friends this year, some I blogged about before… so scroll back for more about them.  Alexx is one that I don’t talk to much anymore… Leah is another…Rachael is another… and Kirsten is another…More on them at another time (and in a previous post)….I WILL talk about Kirsten though in the 2011 part…Also got back in touch with other friends of mine…including Tricia who I lost contact with for awhile…  it was good getting new and old friends into my life…

To end off the year, I was awaken on New Years Eve to a tornado…the first I even remembered St Louis Ever having one during that time of year in my life time…more later…

That was 2010…NOW…2011 to follow up in another post.  But It will be a doozy with a lot of different updates.  Divorce, living place to place, suicide attempts and more…

Movies of interest in 2012

 

Not many times are there quite a few movies I look forward to during a year.  The last time was when Star Trek came out, and there was quite a few movies that year I wanted to see..  last year it was only Transformers, Green Lantern, X-Men First Class, Harry Potter conclusion, and then a few movies that Mary Moon wanted to see too.  A few movies I didn’t have an interest in at first I ended up liking, such as Limitless and Rio.  Some I wasn’t interested in, and were ok movies (Captain America and Thor).  So 2012 has a ton of movies to come out, that have my interest peaked.  Some cause I want to see the movies, some I want to nitpick on rebooting a franchise or ending one, and some I want to see how much they mess it up.  So where should I begin:

 

Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance: This is a movie that I want to see to see it.  I ended up sort of liking the first Ghost Rider, even though I never at first got into a lot of the Marvel comics (except for maybe Xmen and Spiderman)…but I sorta gotten into them when I felt DC has dropped the ball many times.

The Three Stooges: This is a movie I am going into with a microscope.  I have always been a Stooge fan.  Heck, I got into the Stooges hardcore before any of my other loves, such as Wrestling and Star Trek.  The previews does not do it justice.  Will Sasso is a dead ringer for Curly (the most beloved of all the Stooges), but the others I think fail.  Larry has been the hardest to ever cast a “replacement” and Moe as well..  It’s the Stooges in modern times.  Does not look like anything like they did with movies like Fat Albert (coming out of the TV into modern time), Smurfs (vortex), or “time travel” so I wonder how it will be. All Stooge fans will be looking at this movie and not giving it a chance. This movie will have to step up to impress the Stooge fans first, then the casual movie fans (where I think Star Trek failed to do with a relauch/reboot… they did not target both crowds I felt)

The Avengers: Ultimately…I got into the build up for these. I loved the Iron Man Movies, the 2nd Hulk movie, and did like Thor and Captain America.  I also got into Xmen and Spiderman (Ill go more into that later with Spiderman)…so I am looking forward to this team up movie.  This is where DC has dropped the ball, not making a Justice League movie (or Wonder Woman, or MORE Batman, or Superman, etc..).  Only thing is they recast Banner again…is the Hulk role turning into the new Batman?

Men in Black 3:  I loved the first two movies, and didn’t know anything about this movie until I saw a preview, and think it will be cool. I always love time travel movies for one, so this will be interesting to see.

GI Joe: Retaliation: I thought the first one was a good standalone movie to say the least…but not too much into it like an 80’s kid should have been…it wasn’t all faithful to the series, but I thought they did a good job with it.  Rock as Roadblock though…not to sure, nor do I like the story line too much…which ones of importance were eliminated and which werent?  Also love the look of Cobra Commander – FINALLY done right…

The Amazing Spiderman – one of my two bitch sessions… WHY reboot Spiderman? If they couldn’t cast it with everyone…why not go the route of others in the past and recast some of the people… Ill admit I did like how they did the movies…I thought Spiderman and Mary Jane were cast good.. while yeah…they pretty much killed off villians in them (lets see – Doc Ock even tho they is a newspaper in 3 that says still at large..doesn’t mean it was new and not from the events of 2, Venom, Both Green Goblins which also includes Harry) and they had some people primed to debut..such as Croc/Doc Conners,etc.  This goes along with the Xmen Movies of scripts being good but sort of killing a  franchise in the 3rd one… when it could go on more.. lets wait and see how this one would be… and which sorta “continuity” it will be in…the current one that is including the Avengers as is or what… while I liked Fantastic Four…the running joke would be to see Torch and Captain America next to each other once… lol.  

Batman – The Dark Knight Rises: the first movie series started out good, then went stupid.  This one started out great with a good build up, and a great set of stories and close to Batman lore…while they had some “WTF” team ups for villians in this one (first one was Ras Al Gul and Scarecrow), the 2nd one was great with Joker (best live adaption of Joker I thought…best character player is still Mark Hamill though)….but this one…is Bane and Catwoman…weird there..but then this is the last one….there are more villians they COULD use and still be realistic…or not because it is DC universe..and you could do a lot more…You have Freeze, Riddler, Penguin, and others…sure they said the didn’t want to do some of them…BUT…why not when it is in the mythology of Batman…and why end it? why not continue still…til you can build up to team ups…like with Superman…or even Justice League…amazes me how people can make something good and fuck it up at the same time..
 

The Expendables 2: The first one was great with all the action stars throughout history…this one continues that with others…which I heard even possibly Chuck Norris..which is a money maker all the way around…(Im not insulting him..I like to live)

Rise of the Guardians:  This one seems interesting….all the well known childhood heroes – Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, and the Sandman team up to save the world from the Boogeyman… sounds like a fun movie…or a future WWE storyline…

 

 

Those I have no interest in:

21 Jump Street: one of the proofs that Hollywood has ran out of ideas, and grasping at straws to do remakes now.  With so many possibilities they could do of popular and unpopular TV shows (He-Man, Thundercats, Buffy, Angel, Charmed, to just name a few POPULAR ones)…they do 21 Jump Street? Really?

 

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: So…the civil war is caused by vampires and such, and our president is a Vampire Hunter… Yeaahhhh…. this sounds good…Id much rather see sparkly vampires more now instead of this… they could have done a Buffy movie or something…but nooo…..they make Abe Lincoln…a Vampire Hunter..

 

Total Recall: Again…while I liked the first Total Recall, they are redoing the story again…same names, one location (Earth only I think), and no Arnold…why not do a sequel ala Evan Almighty (sequel but different characters or such..)

 

That’s all… and I noticed…2012 has NOOOOOOO movies that talk about the 2012 “end of the world distaster”

Some thoughts on the business

I was sitting and thinking about the state of the wrestling business.  I wanted to share some words of wisdom from someone I will call friend, someone I had the pleasure to work with one weekend, someone I call an idol and roll model, a Mr Percy Pringle the 3rd (Paul Bearer to the WWE Fans).  This is from one of his blogs he wrote some time back (a few years back in 2007)

*****

By Percy Pringle 3rd (c)2007

Our business has changed so much through the years. Few young talents today share the bond that myself and others enjoy. Our sport has a way of destroying friendships, not building them. Kids today do not have the opportunity to make the road trips like we did when we were refining our profession. They are not presented with the situations that allow them to grow, not only in a professional way, but personally.

If anything burns my ass these days, it's those 160+ pound kids, with little legit training, that don't even own a pair of boots or wrestling tights, that are in the ring prostituting themselves for self-proclaimed indy promoters FOR FREE.

Sure I can understand the desire to be a pro wrestler, as I shared the same dream so many years ago. I know that it is not the young wrestler's fault too. I place the blame directly on the promoters, few who have a clue what they are doing, draining the local fans for everything they can get out of them. The promoters should know better, some do, and screw the kids anyway, but many are totally ignorant to how a pro wrestling event should be run. The promoters are the ones who actually prostitute the young talent. They know how much the kids want to wrestle, and will have them drive for hours, set up their ring and not even offer then a hamburger much less gas money. It is a damn crying shame, taking advantage of the unknowing just to pad their pocketbooks.

I worked an indy show just a few weeks ago. I was there on a fairly good payday considering the short drive, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. But... when pay time came, I noticed that I was the only one that got paid. I'm certainly not bragging, but I divided my pay among the kids who gave up their cash for me to be there. If the truth was known, they weren't going to get paid in the first place. But that doesn't matter, as I believe they will always remember the lesson I taught them that evening.

I could go on and on, but I will stop here. As I always say, no words are necessary for those that understand. For those that don't get it, not enough words will ever allow their comprehension.

*****

Percy is a man of few words (unless you read his website and blog lol), but when he speaks, it is always a learning experience.  Percy speaks volumes, and teaches years of experience, in few words.   I happen to agree with this 100%, and wouldnt mind comments from others on this. Speak away.  Keep it serious and on topic too.

Some of my best moments in Wrestling

Many people would say that some of their best moments have been either winning a title, or working with a so-in-so name.  Both of those I have done.  Titles are pointless to me since I tend to be a manager and not that great as an in ring talent (though I did enjoy winning two titles within a week of each other…first time being a current multiple title holder..and sharing it with my grandma), and working with names…despite people saying I’m a mark or what not (Hey I do enjoy meeting celebrities, and I collected autographs BEFORE I got in the business…why stop a hobby I enjoyed before hand?) doesn’t thrill me working with names. 

Yes I have either worked with at autograph signings directly with such stars at Sunny, Greg Valentine, Kevin Thorn, Al Snow, Dave and Earl Hebner, Brutus Beefcake, Demolition..and of course the best was Percy Pringle.  I have worked shows with many names such as Jake Roberts, Kamala, Kevin Thorn (I was the one that helped get him in one fed..and was his right hand man at another fed), Sid, Mabel/Viscera, and Bob Orton. Even worked a shows with CURRENT Stars before they got into the big time, such as Trevor Murdoch, Randy Orton, and Evan Bourne.  Believe it or not…these were not my best moments in wrestling at all (Percy comes close, and the drives with Thorn, Greg, Sunny, and Beefcake also come up there).   Even going back stage at TNA (not the FAN version of backstage…the ALL ACCESS Version of Backstage) does not even rank in my best moments in wrestling.

My best moments in wrestling are those where I wasn’t even entertaining in front of a crowd.  I enjoyed a lot of the backstage or other roles a lot too.   Many a people have said I have a great mind for this business. I have actually showed that quite a few times, and mainly with those companies that did not know me and gave me a chance.  Seems I am never given the chance from friends or companies that know me.  Besides what I think makes sense and looks right, I learned from other good minds in this area…such as Butch Fletcher, Travis Cook, Matt Taylor, Steve Murphy, Billy Bob (NOT to be confused with the worthless turd Big Daddy/Country Joe Bob), Luke Roberts, and a few others.  I helped to get some good angles going and across in groups like HCW for one.  People were impressed with how well heat was gotten, and yet I was still willing to put over the little guy in the end cause he deserved the rub instead of the promoter.  People complained about I didn’t tell everyone how something was going to be going or what was happening.  If the person was not involved in the angle, they did not need to know I felt.  Not everyone in TNA and WWE knows what is going on in EVERYONE ELSES stuff, and the boys enjoy that fact. They can sit back and look at how someone else is progressing and see the end result first instead of knowing the end result.  Every time I did that, many people were impressed and liked the end result. 

One of my first moments in wrestling was back in 2002.  I started working with Rampage Championship Wrestling after leaving Midwest Powerhouse Wrestling.  Not long after I came here they were in the process of getting A LOT of new trainees that wanted to become a wrestler.  Many people like Dexter Poindexter, Steven Kennedy, and others.  They were pretty much in the process of training for about 4 months to pay off for a show that will feature a Rookie Rumble (whoa..dejavu) which the irony also featured former WWE Star Viscera (more irony…my OFFICIAL debut was a Rookie Rumble, and the booked star on the show was former WWE Star Mabel…lol).  There was not many that were able to come up there for training a lot of the days when the ring was left up at places.  So a lot of them were just to go up and work out in the ring without many if anyone there to work with them that knows what to do (or at least knows what needs to be done even if they personally can not do it themselves).  I felt they needed some guidance in some aspect besides an occasional wrestler and referee helping them out.  Out of those there doing it, with the select few at certain times, I was the vet for the most part.  One thing that bugs me is half assed training because people just want to “have fun”.  I think people need to be trained properly no matter what. If they leave, or are not “having fun” – oh well.  This is a business that has a history. Half assed doesn’t make your shows look better. I would rather see great shows, with good angles and great talent, that the “indy craptastic” that gets out there.  If people leave, that’s part of the business, they tried, but don’t cater to them, make them step up.    So I was going on my days off to help out with people.  I wasn’t just working on the bumps with them, I worked on chain wrestling, punches (one of the most messed up things in wrestling today I feel), kicks – mainly a lot of the basics.  Then I worked with them during breaks on character development.  This was my main thing I will admit.  Many others did help with the basics, but I was one of the few that would make someone do it properly 5 times in a row, and if the last one messed up, do it 5 more times. I would also be one of the few that would allow them to do hits or moves on them, such as the punches or forearms, until they got it right.  Anyway, back to character development.  This is always a pet peeve.  Not just gimmicks that make sense (did not want to see clowns or people from space or anything not believable), but I also wanted the music, name, and entrance to make sense too.  I did not want to see a cowboy, whose name was “Rocker Chris Rock”, and come out to Barbie Girl as music because he liked it.  Everything needed to make sense.  So I gave everyone tryouts to show me a character they wanted to develop, and get over. Like Dexter for instance.  Wanted to do a nerd.  The name Dexter Poindexter was an obvious choice.  Music ended up being “Weird Science”.  I gave everyone the chance to pick the name and gimmick, and try to sell the gimmick to me.  Almost everyone came through without hardly any “Rip Off” gimmicks. If they didn’t sell it, we worked on tweaking it and trying again, or scrapping and going to gimmick idea number two.  One of the most ones I enjoyed was Steven Kennedy.  I will admit the name wasn’t what was first picked.  It was Steven Spoiled or something like that.  We came with it after talking about real life (I feel real life gimmicks can work to start off), and since family had some money, that he would be a spoiled prick.  His first promo to sell the gimmick was a success, and it went from there.  I have always been proud of Kennedy. He is one of the best talents in the area and still always learns.  Went on to continue improving and hasn’t stopped. One never stops learning in this business. 

One of the next great moments I had was working gorilla and writing for both MAX and AAW (The Cain and Abel of the area at the time, since AAW was ran by someone who was at ends with MAX owner on a personal level (but I got the go ahead for it from MAX, and things were patched up to a point between the two).   I always enjoyed this. I think things need to be organized, and professional when writing and working gorilla. As seen in this photo

I always try to help out the music person whenever I can, because that is the one area that people always overlook too.  When I was still a talent in MAX (a manager), I wrote everything I could except for anything I was involved in.  I gave ideas, but I went to the promoter for him to write that stuff, so people could not judge me being biased towards myself.  Many times I didn’t feel a push with who I was with was warranted, other times I did.  People bitched because I wrote for someone else to get a push, even winning a belt.  Those that bitched were wanting the belt on them instead (irony isn’t it).  Big Daddy was one of them. He felt he should have had the title one him in AAW.  I felt that Kurt Styles deserved it.  Here is why.  Styles was always willing to help out, even working two or three times if needed. Big Daddy wasn’t helping out at all, and never put ANY effort into his matches.  Styles was helping out doing appearances to promote shows, giving the company a great rep. Big Daddy though was giving a bad name to the company for his actions at signings – either eatting more than the total people could at the signing, or being a foul mouthed jerk towards female employees at the places we did signings at.  Styles brought people to the shows, and had a good crowd reaction.  Big Daddy never did. Besides those two, there was one other suggested to me to have the belt put on, but that person wasn’t reliable, so I decided against him.  I felt to give the crowd what they wanted, and to give the company someone that would not embarrass them, so the belt was put on Styles.  I do not regret it and will still defend it to this day.  Being a writer/promoter/etc is basically running a daycare at times, you deal with children that want this or that, and cry when they don’t get it.

Now the last one is being a promoter.  Not to the point of doing my own company and shows, but either helping out the promoter (like in Interstate Wrestling Alliance) or getting one show to book and promote from the start to the end (like in All American Wrestling – The Colonels version).  When I did the show for Colonel, I went all out (and more than what was being done). I brought in a few people to work the show for one, used people like Kerry OKay, Steve Sharp/Ali Stevens, and a few others.  I put together the main matches I wanted and good ones too (like Mephisto vs Sly for one).  Then I went out and promoted. I did not just put up flyers in store windows or at the venue, and I did not just put up ticket locations, and that was it.  First I went to the Rec Room to promote the show by giving out flyers as people left the PPV viewing event there. I gave tickets to Brian Stull, host of the Stranglehold, to give away at the PPV viewing event or on his radio show.  I did an autograph signing at the only wrestling store around at the time, The Pro Shirt Shop. Even if only one person kept the tickets given away, or got a flyer, it was still worth it I felt.  The even ended up actually being a success.  The event was at Granite City Rivers Edge…pretty much a venue whore (everyone has been there…one month 3 different groups).  Usually the crowds there were 20 or so people.  It’s a small venue too.  I ACTUALLY had enough in there (I Want to say 100 or so – but it was 2005 and some time ago)… that it was standing room.  For Rivers Edge, it shouldn’t be that hard to get a good crowd in it…ESPECIALLY if over 100 is standing room (yeah…100 for an indy show still sucks…but when you look at the company normally drawing 20 or so…it was an improvement).  Would I do promoting again, probably not, because it’s a headache…but never say never.  Oh, the following show, after seeing what I was able to do and what I did to promote, only drew 20, because the promoter did not do the extra stuff I did, he did the same stuff, and wished the same people would come back.  Hard for them to know to come back if they don’t know there's a show.  That’s called promoting.  As for IWA (Interstate), Every show that was done with assisting the promoter – people got paid, money was made (even to the point that after the shows, the boys were taken out for food – pizza and drink at Fortels Pizza), and everyone was happy.  Good track record for the company I felt.

These were the moments in wrestling I enjoyed the most, and felt more rewarding.  Sure I had titles, sure I worked with names, sure I even had fun, but these were what was best.

The Friend’s Vacation

Here’s to show, I care more about others feelings, enjoyment, and happiness, than my own.  A friend of mine had to get out of her house.  She doesn’t get a lot of time for enjoyment, nor time to relax.  She has family (though she loves them all a lot) that just drive her batty.  She is not able to do much except for the weekends, cause she has school and real life.  So came a weekend I was able to give her some time away, a mini vacation.  Just time away from the house, time to be spoiled, time to relax, and enjoy life.  I didn’t do this for any other reason but to see her happy.  She had gone through a lot of drama and problems with school, the love life in turmoil, and the home life problems.  It was something she deserved, and something I wanted to make sure was good for her.  She’s been there enough times for me..and I love her bunches.  So the weekend was to be spoiling, wrestling, and relaxing.  This was to be a mini spa for her.

So Friday she was in a hurry to get her weekend started.  She got here, and unpacked and kicked her feet up in the air for a few.  In between fighting, wrestling, and knocking me onto the floor a few times.   We went to go out to eat (Golden Corral), and talk and just relax.  After that, we went shopping. Checking out a few different places.  Getting a scarf and purse.  Then we went back, she showered to relax and then I gave her an hour or so of massaging, every tense muscle on her body.  I learned a new knack that I have.  After awhile, we talked for awhile, and misunderstandings happened in our talking.  I don’t regret us talking, but I regret that it was not subjects she was ready to talk about.  This is where I felt I ruined the whole weekend. After that, we decided to go out to Karaoke that night.I made sure to talk to people, and get it arranged for her to be able to go to that.  She enjoyed every minute of it, hanging with friends, and not having to be back anywhere anytime soon (Thank you Ruby for getting it arranged for me).  After that, we left, did some food shopping, and went back to the motel to unload, chill, talk some, and get some rest.

Of course with my issues, I felt bad (and been going through a lot with stress, depression, making my own mistakes, and all the wrestling drama/bs).  I woke up a few times throughout the night, and then in the morning, went and left for a walk to think (also after getting word a wrestler I worked with had passed away).  I came back, woke her up by mistake (forgot the key), and we say and talked.  After trying to get in a cheerful mood (without bringing her down), I spoiled and pampered her some more with a deep tissue massage, which improved on some techniques (learning as I go).  After making sure she was awake, we went to get motivated for the day (after she had a breakfast of frosted flakes, banana and choc. milk), and decide if we were going to the wrestling show or not.  We did end up going. So we met up with friends and left to go to the show.  I wont go into show details, but after a ton of drama, and everyone including my bestie and me getting aggravated with things, I did the show.  We went to get ready and left to head back to the motel.  After falling asleep on the ride back, and getting cranky, we went to drop stuff off at the motel, do a few things online, and went to get a late dinner. Let me say on record right now..I still can not stand Denny’s at all.  Poor service, somewhat food.  After dealing with crap, we went back and just crashed.

After the first good nights sleep I have had in I would say 2 weeks, We woke up, both in a playful mood…as was shown by a pillow fight, and me getting kicked a lot.     After deciding what to do, we just did not want to do much since it was the last day.  Surprise happened with a text message and a phone call, and she got to have a conversation she was waiting on, to at least have closure a little, say what was on her mind and heart, and let things progress to at least being in contact and friends (I’m hoping).  After fighting more (joking way, but my arm still hurts), I offered to spoil her one last time (she’s always wanted to do a spa, with the music, mud baths, facials, etc… I only can do massage).  I gave her (and I know it was at least this long) a full body deep tissue massage for over an hour.  She was too relaxed to move at all.  Everything was done for her relaxation and enjoyment.  After the massage, I needed a hand with a few things before we got ready and went to get something to eat (McDonalds).  We went and sat at McDonalds, listened and called in to the radio show, and just had a good time (she bought me a chocolate shake..woohoo) and went back to the motel to pack.  I went to look at her car to make sure it was ok (with the problems her baby has been having I wanted to see if I could help).  I checked the oil, and went to check on the transmission, and the keys got accidently locked into the car while it was running (I say its my fault and Im sticking to that).  So had to have a friend come by to say the day…AGAIN, and help me get into her car for her.  After that..we all relaxed and talked (after cleaning and packing before the friend came by to help me get into her car).  Then it was time for the vacation to end for her..and go back home (even though she referred to the motel as home a lot…)

I hope everything was done ok for her vacation, I hope she enjoyed herself, and enjoyed the spa treatment. I hope she regreted nothing by the end of the weekend, and I hope she knows what she means to people to have someone go out of their way to give her the spa away from home without having to go far away from home. It’s a small repayment for all the times she was there for me, helped me out, and done a lot for me.  I would do this for a week for each kind thing she has done for me (xmas gifts, bday gifts (cards and parties), stopping me from stupid things, and everything in between.  It started the week before with some gifts I thought she could use to cheer her up (including a stuffed clone of my former dog Shelby)…This was the vacation she needed…and even though I had a lot of problems myself, I enjoyed it too..just spending time with my bestie.  It better have been good for everything, or I will do it over and over again til I get it right

MVWA Wrestling Returns!!

MVWA is where I got my start. Everyone knows this, I do not hide it, nor do I ever regret any of it.  Some points of MVWA

MVWA was one of the first groups in the area to use such well known talent such as Ace Steele, Derek Stone, Adrian Lynch, and Adam Pearce.

It was where a lot of local talent was born out of.  The Mat Maniac, Izzy Blackwell (then Izzy Tempest), Harsh (then Hardcore Eric Lee), Steve Girthy (then “Mr Big Stuff” John Jeremy, and the fact that his name is originally a play on Steve Murphy).

This group started some trends that others tried to capitalize on.  They were the first group in the area to have a website. They were the first group in the area to have a local hot line.  They were a group in the area that offered tickets thru major ticket outlets.  They had decent production value TV for local cable access.

Their champions were nothing to laugh at either (except for the one and only joke champion, but it was set up as that).  Top Indy stars The Punisher, Derek Stone, Ace Steele and Steve Sharp all held the Missouri Title (as did Mr Big Stuff, for one TV week).  It set a precedence for Name appearances for it to mean something, not to just have a name on the show.  First star to come through was the legend himself Harley Race.  Not only did he appear, MVWA was able to get the city to proclaim it HARLEY RACE DAY on that day (officially too), and Harley then (being the last Missouri State Champion…in NWA though), presented the winner of the Title Tournament the MVWA Missouri State Title (after knocking out a 7foot Big Butch Bronson).  Others to appear was Bob Orton (and with a fued with Ace Steele), Don Bass (with a MVWA vs AWA fued) and The Big Man himself KING MABEL (or Viscera/Big Daddy V).

MVWA was a good merge of Old School at the time, and New School.  MVWA had one thing that others did not: A Family atmosphere (and out of 14 years in the business, I have only seen that on rare occasions with a few groups here and there). There was little drama if any in the locker room (though there were a few times there were incidents, but it was not many). They had the right idea also how to train people, and get them ready for the business.  With many good vets there too, such as Bama Bodine, The Beast, Billy Bob, Techno Kid, The Punisher, Matt Taylor, and even Steve himself

Things started to give Murph problems at every turn after a year and a half of success.  Those problems lead to the decision to shut the doors.  Even shut, everyone that was ever in the MVWA have always wanted to have a reunion show. One year turned to 5.  5 turned to 10.  Now is the time, Steve has decided the time has come to bring the MVWA back to the area.

What does this mean for me? Maybe have fun one last time.  Maybe I can go out in the same place I came in.  Maybe chances will be given.  Maybe acknowledgement instead of ignoring. Maybe a chance to prove oneself. Maybe a chance to work together with my original family one last time.  Maybe a chance to show a lot of my close friends, new working friends, and people I even helped train…what it was that I talk about still to this day. 

What could this mean for the area again? Could the place that originated the Slam Zone Match, Rookie Rumble, and the Fans Bring the Weapons Match (chicken pot pie anyone?) cause a stir that will get people talking….Again?  Could it cause everyone to step up their game?

We shall see.  As said on Twitter.  The MVWA Is RETURNING!! Its Real, Its True, Its NOW!

Some of my best friends - The Females

Those of you that know me...I tend to have alot of best friends that are females...Im not sure why...other than the usual.."You make a better friend" line..lol  But I do tend to get along with women better.  And its never a "hitting on" or "Trying to get in their pants" issue...I just thought I would go over my close female friends - in no particular order:

 

Tricia:  Ive been friends with her since school.  While yes, I would have liked to have dated her at the time, we remained very good friends.  In school is when I learned I knew how to help people with their problems more than I ever could my own...  Tricia and I talked back and forth during school alot..before texting and cell phones... we had a note book...we were BEYOND what others did of passing notes.  We used a NOTE Notebook...just passed the whole book back and forth.  We have been close off and on since then...helping her through alot of relationship problems, etc..  We were pretty much like buds as well..more often than not..it was HER idea to go to the strip clubs...;) Me and her can pretty much talk about anything...and she has known me the longest...so she knows my past, my family, etc... (LOCATION - ST LOUIS)

 

Tessa: Ive only known Tessa for ALMOST 2 years...Ive also helped her out through alot...and she has helped me through alot too.  Shes been there more for me lately that so called "family".  Shes helped me out through alot of depression..including this past Christmas when her and her family invited me for Xmas eve...when I was basically either staying at work..or at a motel...and that invite meant more to me than anything...it was a true family atmosphere...which I hadnt had since my mom died in 2002... Tessa and I hang out alot too...so Im not stuck at home or at work all the time too...and shes not made me feel bad about anything Ive done (like freaking out on the Ferris Wheel, ripping my pants, etc)...and offers to do more than the person Im WITH... (when I work every day..I dont have time to get some stuff done...but when one sits at home all the time..not wanting to go out..you would figure asking for some laundry, etc is not to hard to ask...since whenever I get home..I cant..cause the people there are AHoles)..Tessa has even done more for my birthday than even the one Im with did...AND... Tessa had no money either...although the Melon that showed up also was rotten...it was good..:) I jump at the chance now to go to the pool hall, movies, etc...with her and her friends..more than I beg the one Im with to at least get dressed and GO OUT ONCE...(last time was December..her birthday)..and someone that cares about my health more than I do too..:) Shes one of the few that knows stuff about me than others do (INCLUDING Tricia) (LOCATION - ST LOUIS - ILLINOIS)

 

Michelle:  This is my first Future Diva...I got to know her cause of bad advice someone tried to tell someone to give her...and he told her to contact me instead..We talked almost every day online....and each day...10-25 emails...for about a month. LOL.  Ive promised to help get her in the business..or her OTHER future goal...and I will no matter what. She was one I was worried about loosing her friendship during the legal roller coaster of 2007..and she stuck by me more than ever then..:)  Me and her have talked to each other about stuff either has never talked to anyone else about...I know more about her past and her family than anyone..and a year or so back..she was the only Xmas card I got..Hopefully she still comes to St Louis either for school...or after she gets out of college..so she can train..and get a better start.

 

Barbie: I met her back when I started with RCW, and have stuck by her ever since...despite when others wanted to trash talk her or whatnot, I always stood by her...and respected our friendship.  We have had alot of close times too...whether its "graphing", or being the only ones to hang out around New Years, or even ER visits...Ive stood by her alot...and consider her a great friend... (LOCATION - ST LOUIS)  

 

Alexx: I just started talking to her lately on Twitter...and shes great.  She and her will definately be more buds than anything...her and I have the same mind..DIRTY and JOKING.. Lol...We can just talk about anything out of the blue..or even just start a picture war of dirty pictures (NOT of ourselves..) or dirty jokes...and she likes wrestling too.. (though not INDY Wrestling..:P )  So Im hoping to be able to write more about her down the line...we are just getting to know each other as friends...so its in the early stage...but also...our friendship..like others...started with me giving her advice on her relationship..which I hope she and him get back together...or she finds someone else that she will be happy with...(LOCATION - TEXAS)

 

Leah and Kirsten: 2 friends I met thru Tessa...and enjoy hanging out with them alot..just because they are fun to be around...and actually enjoy hanging with me too... Ive also started giving advice on occasion to them as well..and I did give Kirsten enough advice that it helped her to feel confident enough to land a job..:) Leah has been out to Karaoke and Trivia with me and Tessa too... (LOCATION - ST LOUIS - ILLINOIS)

 

Thats pretty much it..I just was bored and felt the need to do a blog... keeping my mind off problems...and Hope Im around all the time that my friends need me too...and hope I seriously mean alot to them too..

 

A LOT late, but my 2009 Year in Review, plus Sneak peak at 2010

Yes I know its a lot late...but I havent been able to sit and write this til now. :)

 

So far, this is my 2009 in review/recap...basically everything in 2009 for me

 

Fighting my legal problems, we all know what they are.  Near the end of 2009 (October) I was able to get in contact with HIM again, and we talked.  We had stuff worked out, and had the restitution dropped...got a letter notarized and everything...but of course...St. Louis courthouse is a bunch of idiots...and even though he signed it...in front of a notary..they allowed his dad (who has NOTHING to do with any of it in the first place) to get involved and say "no its not being dropped"..but also wanted to talk to HIM (not dad)...but how HIM is...he still hasnt yet as of May 2010...procrastination at its finest....court hearings ended in November..but still not done yet...UGH

 

One of the MAJOR blows to me was that I lost my storage contents...which was all of the family stuff I had left, plus furniture, heirlooms, photos, autographs (luckily it was just my index cards, adult autographs, and music/radio autographs), collectibles (Mr Rogers puppets, Shari Lewis puppets, my early Wrestling posters that I was on, etc)..I blame the storage place more on stuff...because I told them to contact the people that bought it..I wanted to get SOME stuff from them...but they never passed the message... AND they wanted to get ahold of me to return some stuff to me that they would have just thrown away..such as Photo albums... LUCKILY..I did some ebay searching and found my grandmas desk...and tracked stuff down to the Barnhart (I think it was that..or Pevely) Flea Market.. and found the stuff..thanks to Ruby...was able to get some important stuff back..such as paintings, photo albums, the adult autograph album, grandma johns stereo, Benji's remains, etc..  AND found out about some auctions other stuff was at...got some stuff returned from there too (bought it...with the money I did get from the sale of the storage...$2000)...but some stuff is lost for good...such as Xmas ornaments and items, perhaps my 2 long time childhood toys (a popple and monchichi), and others stuff...plus alot of our board games (including custom maniac ones, branson ones, etc) my Branson collectibles, and more...some stuff..NOT able to be replaced again..

 

Going back on old friends...a former friend I got back in contact with...I knew since preschool....he Dropped a bombshell on me... Hes getting a sex change.  Has always wanted to be a girl since he was young.  He's straight (as far as he says...he wants to be a lesbian)...but with the hormone changes..that could change and such..So thats something weird to get used to now.

 

We know the beginning of 2009 didnt go well when I went to the store on the first with 2 others after we were moving some stuff FROM storage to there (when I still was able to)..and found out that the store was broken into...by someone who apparently had a key.. Still dont know who..but it is narrowed down in my eyes..and no prints were gotten that would be helpful.  So far they took close to over a thousand.  I still feel bad and responsible for it...since I left the money there instead of taking it with me like I usually do...CAUSE I didnt want to have it with me while going out for New Years Eve.  Then later on in the year, we moved out of that location to Crestwood Mall.  The location we were at was a horrible choice from day one (even before moving there)..but the new owner was stuck there til the lease was up..Crestwood Mall looked to be a good choice...good location inside..but the mall is dying...and we were next to Chevys...til about a month or 2 after we were there...Mid September..Chevys closed up...and business died even quicker... Sooo we wanted to move to another part of the mall, but the mall dragged their feet for awhile..to the point we DIDNT get to move til Thanksgiving week...AND be open and ready by Black Friday (the day I felt we needed to be too)...and that was difficult since it was me doing ALOT of the moving when the boss couldnt be there...but luckily I had my neice and future nephew in law to help with some big moving.

 

NEXT is a big issue... My friend Tessa...  I mentioned in another blog I met Tessa near the end of 2008... and me and her became close friends...Besties...  one of the local wrestlers Kevin - Aka Gideon Morbid broke up with his gf at the time (which was a standard apparently...not many can last around his crazy stupid shit)...and I thought it was great...as long as Tessa was happy...BUT then I got to find out exactly the extent of how Kevin was...he pretty much is a legit nutcase...theres nothing but Bats in the Melon Sized Head of his...he cause more drama between me and Tessa...and Tessa and Ruby..that needed to be..because he was an insecure, pompus, no talent jack off.  He literally HAS no Talent in the ring..he just thinks he does. Ive seen 8 year olds wrestle better than him....after a few months...  He wouldnt let Tessa hang with even her friends Kirsten (who is her cousin too) and Leah.... cause he was afraid she would cheat on him...he would cry at the drop of a hat to get his way...and not let her have a life.... he would call her or text her all the time..and especially during school..and wonder why she wouldnt text (hey..DUMB ASS...SHE WAS IN SCHOOL...you know..school work and such)..he was obsessed to a major point...and I didnt know the extent of things with him until of course I got in the middle like this..he even grabbed her arm..and shirt before to the point it scared her....hes apparently crazy, jealous, insecure and obsessed with all of his gf's..but I think this phrase says it best about him...when after a minute or 2...in bed..the girl looked up at him and said "Is that it?"..NO Im not saying which ex said it..but its pretty damn funny...minute man morbid..:) ANYWAY...about Tessa more...luckily she got to her senses and left a potentially dangerous situation..and realized that he made some shit up, or make it seem not how it was..to make him look good..and everyone else bad.  and I have been glad every day since then to have my Bestie Tessa back in my life..which has helped out more than anything

 

Got a new nephew in law (Abel)...and a new great nephew (Austin) this year...and they are soooooo adorable..NOT doing pictures in this blog..I will do pictures only in a followup Blog here..

 

Shelby: my dog since late 90s (98 or 99 I think)...It was rough...cause my in laws are a bunch of hoosier, mental, lazy, ignorant, unloving, pricks... and the mother in law didnt want shelby around anymore...(yet it was fine for another dog to come in with her daughter)...even threatened stuff with the other dog (out of eartshot to the daughter...such as..throw rat poison in the dogs food)... and was just hateful to Shelby or any animal...Shelby was part of my fucking family..and I wasnt about to give her up if I could avoid it....With all my other family gone..and a promise I made my mom...I wasnt about to have giving up fully as an option..and it shouldnt have been..I would have moved out first before anything..I cared more about the dog that myself...and still do...was trying to find other options for her..cause I didnt feel her safe around that family...(I dont even feel safe around them...thats for another blog too)...at the last minute...my friend DataBob was able to come to the rescue and take in Shelby for a little while....which turned into longer than I even wanted too...I hated not having her around...so Bob was able to do that for me...and I owe him more than he ever knows...

 

The holidays were fucking horrible...for alot of reasons...just for lack of family I have for one..and the ones I supposedly have (inlaws...english for not really family...and probably never would be)...Of course Thanksgiving was the moving of the store and such...and just around the inlaws.... December started out good..cause thats when Tessa came back around and we patched up our friendship..and it grew stronger again..despite Melon Head Morbid...she helped me out alot with Xmas shopping for my nephews at least..(and my wife...who pretty much shows more hatred than caring to me...also..another blog for that one)....pretty much...SHelby couldnt come back...cause she had to leave Bobs mid December...she couldnt even come and live OUTSIDE (shes not an outside dog..but neither am I..and I would have lived in a tent with her and a heater if anything)..So...I decided to make myself homeless..and live at the store for awhile..Shelby was more important than my happiness to begin with..so Iived on the couch in the bathroom...(til early Jan)...or in Motel 6 (thanks to the boss getting me the room for 4-5 days...plus around New Years...I was miserable..but as long as Shelby was here...Was happy...I just couldnt leave much at all...I showered in the bathroom via sink..etc..stayed hidden when I needed to...I did it for Shelby though...which shows more compassion than anything... luckily I lucked out (this is more 2010 stuff..but still...)...and a shelter was able to take Shelby in for a short while too (I unfortunately had to give her up...which was better for her...but not me emotionally)... I had a few close calls with depression though around the holidays...(I get like that alot cause of mom and dad both being gone)...but this got really bad that I TRIED to do something twice..and failed both times (by luck perhaps)....I ended up with the inlaws (without the wife as well as she had to work) for Xmas..which sucked big time (I understand no money to get stuff for everyone..but when Ive been around the family for MANY years..and this new bf of one of the sisters is only around for 2 months..if that...and HE gets a gift..and I Dont...makes you wonder WHY I stick around...and even friends, an officer, etc have said I shouldnt be around them anymore)...BUT I got an invite from Tessa and her family for Xmas eve...which is GREAT!!!  not alot of gift giving..though I did give her mom a gift for the invite at least...and it was just a family environment where I mattered for a few hours too..like everyone else...and good food too..this was the best gift I could have gotten...the 2nd best was the Yellow Super Mario Brothers shirt...:)...that helped pull me through the holidays..that and the gift giving I was able to do for the nephews at least..Austin and Adrian...helped all the way through to New Years...which was spent with my wife Shannon, Tessa, Shelby...and another friend...

 

This was the year for Celebs...we had a few signings at the store...Al Snow and Kevin Thorn...(both WWE Wrestlers..or former WWE ones)...and I also got to meet other big name stars...such as Shaq, Robin Williams, and some others..which was great...I owe it to Daryl for one...

 

Now wrestling started to pick up...if not a little sporatic...was able to get some more videos online (look on Youtube or Myspace video for The Mat Maniac or Mr GQ to find some)...and started to do really good with wrestling...then I got my first major injury...(for me..and my past..it was the most major one I have had for my time in wrestling)...I got a minor concussion from someone who is as dumb as a fucking stump...who doesnt know how to throw a chair shot...wrestle..or even walk good...and he decided to turn on me (which wasnt planned)..and hit me with a chair while my head was already on the ground (again...didnt know it was coming..wasnt even planned for too)...and it knocked me loopy...I had some issues for a week or so...some memory issues (some minor, some major)...and other related problems...but did heal from it...  still going good in wrestling...and working new places now..and enjoying the business and life again

 

Thats pretty much my 2009 in Review..at least the key parts....some sneak peaks for 2010's Recap:

Metropolis and wrestling

New Friends: Alexx, Kirsten, Leah

More backlash from the inlaws..and the fact they even admit they could care less if I lived

Almost seems like that from the wife too

More celebs

Friends from the past back in the picture too (Tricia!!)

and much much more..:)

The most sucky time of the year :(

First cross promoting blog. Posting on Myspace and Vox.

Im messed up bad.  This is the time of year, everyone knows, that I used to enjoy.  I tried for a a few years, but the last 2 years I totally lost the spirit.

I used to be a strong family person.  The holidays meant something at least.  Then one by one, I kept loosing family members, but the strong ones was Mom, Dad, and Grandma.  Even with them, I was a holiday person.  The Revolution Xmas parties, Discovery/R12 ones, New Years, Thanksgiving, etc.  I bought friends, no matter how small - gifts, cards, etc...despite the financial problems I had then.  Even when I got down, I had family to pick me back up.  Then Dec 12th 2002 happened. My mom, after a battle with cancer of only 6 months, passed away.  This was a major loss, that I have not been able to overcome.  I tried for the few years after, cause I had purpose.  My dog Shelby, my dad, and my grandma, All of whom I had to take care of, as a promise to my mom. Things started to slowly be ok. Then I realized in 2007, how much I needed my mom more than anything, and I was just totally lost.  We all know my problems that happened in 2007, and the vacation I was on for 4 months.  What people dont know was that that yanked me away from taking care of my dad (who wasnt doing good at all at that time), and my grandma, and my dog.  During that time (not many people know this), My mind set was really fucked up.  Not just depression, but alot of deep hidden problems too.  I kept hearing the voices (not Morbid nuts, not that extreme, but still) telling me Im worthless, how Im a disappointment to my mom, how everyone just hates me.  and to this day, I still believe it.  And though they went away for awhile after my "vacation" I still have them reoccuring, and more so now than ever the last year.  I wasnt around when grandma passed, and I was too sick to visit dad, and then he passed.  Not many people know or understand what its like to be alone.  Which is what I truely am.

 

 

 

Mom and Grandma

Where I live now, they could care less whether I lived or died.  I always get that feeling. They could care less about holidays....birthdays etc...unless its THEIR OWN.  Tell me how you would feel waking up hearing everyone yell or say Happy Birthday to one of the sisters (December 1st). but none of them (even when mentioned), would say it on mine a few months before....BUT..they sure wanted to sit and eat the cake a good friend did for me...but still not realize or care what it was for. 

How about the main person at the house with her strong hatred for animals, that I had to have my dog Shelby stay with friends for awhile.  She has such a strong hatred, that (whether she was serious or not), that she dont care what happens to the animals..like trying to let them outside and want them to run away, or joke or not about throwing poison in the food cause she dont want an animal there.  While she may not be as heartless to actually do it, its still not easy to hear.  Its hard to see another sisters dog at the house, knowning that MINE had to leave. Shes coming back soon (and I thank my friends..they did more for me than they will ever know...and I have felt its been time for shelby to come back to me anyway..since April...which is when she got there).  If shes not able to come home, or go to my nieces or somewhere.  I WONT be at the house either, and would live whereever I can, whether in a back room, in a car (which I dont have one anymore), or even a shed.  I refuse to give her up fully..EVER.  shes the last promise I made to my mom...and cant bare to hear anymore how Im a failure.

 

 

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I have tried alot...I get no days off unless Im sick or have an appointment.  I cant get to a doctor at all (which I need medical, and yes..I know..mental as well)...mainly because I cant afford it or able to get there and make it to work.  My job may not pay alot, but Im also still hear because of helping out a friend as well.  He made sure the job was here after my vacation, and helped me out more than anyone else too....thats called commitment to a friend (since he is in the business too...thats why as well).  I cant get a car, I cant seem to struggle out of that hole I have been in since 2007 either.  While I have talked with that PERSON, and make ammends and start repairing, EVERYTHING ELSE seems to try to mess things up more and more (stuff STILL not dropped yet as well).  I know I need my knee and back looked at, my diabetes, my problems with not being able to sleep either (which alot of it is the fact..I dont want to HEAR what I hear when Im asleep)..

Then theres XMas.  I want to badly get something for my greatnephews (who I adore), and a few select people...but not sure if I can (because things were not dropped).  I have also hear that "were just buying for the kids, cause they dont understand".  I havent gotten a present for Xmas or my birthday or many if any cards for either...for at least 5 years or so... i know its not the presents and cards...its the thought..but I dont even get a thought...

 

 

DCP_0048

Im so tired of also hearing "all this trash/junk is in the way" or "if this house burns down, this would help the fire out" or "You should throw alot of this stuff away".  Even though they dont realize..its ALL I HAVE LEFT. I lost alot of possessions from storage when it got auctioned off.  Furniture, heirlooms, etc.... a few knick knacks, my photo albums, my autograph albums, my dog Benji's remains, my moms last xmas presents I got her, my dad and moms memorial flag, and a few other odds and ends..and then the clothes I had already, and thats it.  I HAVE NOTHING ELSE LEFT...but because its not theirs or anything..its JUNK and should be gotten rid of...  I lost my dad's badges, some other albums, the family bible (I know..not something you would think I would have wanted to keep or had any interest in)..STUFF I can NOT replace again...and ALL I HAD LEFT to remember my family...which I have not much family left. I have alot of cousins on my dads side (some I try to stay close too as well), my niece's (one of which Im able to talk to regularly), my sister (who I still havent seen lately)...on my dads side.  On my moms side - I have a great uncle who is not long for the world either, and 2 second cousins..and THATS IT... but of course...trying to latch on to the past is pointless, which despite if its clean or not upstairs, its just JUNK to everyone else.

 

This years Mothers Day visit

And why I Stay there? I got no where else to go either...thats why...and I wont ask friends to stay with them either...I could care less about myself...I just rather have a safe place for what I have left...and a place for Shelby to go (in a week, she will be with me...which Im happy for that at least...probably both of us will be a back room for awhile though)...

I thought writing this blog(s) would help...Im not sure if it did or not...I seem worse for the wear...but I have no one else to talk to either to get things out.  I dont want to burden friends with it for one...(and I dont feel comfortable being emotional around them)..and where Im at...all of them could care less...the one person...who I could talk to as I needed to....is the one thats been gone..THIS DAY...for 7 years now...

 

 

Mom

And now people wonder why Im a grinch or scrooge this time of year (and all year around)...with everything standing in the way..or walking all over you....everything is in the past that was happy....and now..its crap...

Today of all days I needed it busy at work...to keep my mind off things..and for the last hour...it hasnt been..

Indiana - Traffic Jam

I had done quite a few trips to Indianappolis for wrestling shows (Insane Championship Wrestling - Ran by Kamala Jr.).  Not a single one had been uneventful - or pleasant ending.  This one in particular was no different.  This was the day before Thanksgiving (yes, a Wednesday show), and Myself, and 3 others (DD, EJ, and Izzy) drove out, and did the show no problem.  Even 2 others from the my area came out (Taylor and Snide). 

The show went off without a hitch, and we went out to eat.  This was during a time when Beast (another good friend from Chicago) ate ALOT.  I learned my lesson the last time I went out to Indiana (heck, I learned when he stayed at our house..when he had a pyramid of White Castle burgers..BEFORE the invention of Crave Cases). Anyway, we went out to eat afterwards before heading back. We stopped at the usual place, and it was almost the whole locker room there. First, let me set up the rules with eating with Beast

1: Have him ORDER FIRST
2: Make sure he gets his food first too, or him and his fork will wonder all over and snatch off everyones plate
3: Dont touch any of Beast food either - a fork in the hand has been known to happen for even crackers or bread.

So our waitress comes to the opposite end to take orders.  Everyone pointed for her to go to the other end and get Beast's order first.  This is apparently her first time there, or serving Beast or wrestlers in general.  He starts ordering.  Keep in mind, normal people that eat alot will order a dinner, extra sides, and some appetizers - Not Beast. He starts ordering Dinners (notice I mean more than one) - you know - the entrees with 2 sides.  He orders not one, not two, not 3, but 4 FULL Dinners.  After ordering the 2nd one, she goes to ask "You do know tomorrow is ThanksGiving right?" which most of us reply " He eats like that often.".  So off she goes to put in his 4 dinners, then taking our orders.  She comes back whiter that Casper the ghost, and more scared than anyone I have ever seen.  She comes down to the opposite end of Beast, and asks some of us "Do you think the big gentleman down there would be upset if we were out of spare ribs?". She seemed genuinely concerned and worried.  I guess she thought he would attack or eat her or the table or something.  So we did what any caring person would do - Made her go tell him herself.  It was funny.  Most of us knows that Beast when he wants to be is a teddy bear. We know nothing bad would happen, but it was more fun knowning this when she didnt.  He placed a different order, and that was the end of that. We sat and told stories, and just had a blast to loosen up after the show.

After dinner, we all get in our cars and leave.  its about Midnight, just enough time to get home by 4am and get some sleep before waking up to do family Thanksgiving stuff. Taylor and Snide basically blew out quicker than us (going 80 on the highway ahead of us).  So we continue to drive when we catch up to them, rather quickly.  Traffic had stopped.  We didnt know what was going on.  We noticed it wasnt moving AT ALL. Not slow or every once in a while - dead stopped.  We think cool - and we get out on the highway and have a blast. We talk to truckers, wrestle, piss on the highway, and just plain act like goofs.  Then we get back in the van and wait... and wait.... and wait.  No sign of movement, and no idea what is going on.  Also no way to turn around and go a different route.  Some of us fall asleep til we are able to move, which isnt for 2 and a half hours.  It wasnt til a police officer came to let us know we can move in a few, that we found out that what happened was an accident with a big rig, and the rig caught fire, and kept burning (As far as we had heard, no one was hurt).  They couldnt let anyone through til the fire was out. So we werent able to get home early at all.  We ended up at home around 7-8am.  That Thanksgiving was tiresome to say the least. Just one of many trips to Indiana that didnt go well.